LONG LETTER INCOMING!

This week was quite interesting... very interesting indeed!
(SKIP TO THE END FOR FUNNY STUFF IF THAT IS WHAT YOU LIKE)
I would like to talk about the highlights really quickly.... well, not
so quickly, actually, because it will be the majority of my email, if
not my whole email.

1) Guo Yixin's baptism! It was so wonderful :) Yay! Add another person
to our old lady knitting soceity... we have a joke amongst the
presidency and the missionaries.
The joke? In twenty years our branch numbers will drop fifty percent
due to how many old people we have haha. A member from the stake
presidency told us we need to go for more young men because we are so
stocked with old women hahha. That isn't too much of a problem
because....

2) We were meeting with a friend of ours (Lu Jiang) and he invited us
over to his house so we could meet and get permission to teach him
from his father. SO we are sitting down and everything is all swelll
and dandy until... One guy comes into the room from the back and just
chills. Then another comes out of the hallway. Then another comes in
and starts cooking. Then all these men just start filtering in from
all sides until there are NINE MEN. Holy mahana man, THIS IS WHAT WE
WERE LOOKING FOR. Honestly, this would increase our priesthood pool by
about 200%. The best part? They are all willing to come to church!
AHHH SO GREAT.

3) Paul is on date! We didn't talk about much when we came in. We
didn't really have a plan to do a lesson with him either. We just
waltzed in for dinner. We had five minutes before we were to get
going. Elder Beck invited him to start the Book of Mormon (he already
knew a ton about it because his Grandma was about to get baptized but
then had visa problems and had to go back to china).
I then slid the phone over to elder beck and the calendar was opened
to April 12th. He gave me a funny look and I nodded to him. He then
pointed to 19th. I invited him to be baptized on that day. We then
kneeled and had Paul ask for confirmation on whether or not he should
get baptized. We told him if he felt the spirit, he would know he
should go through with it.

He said he prayer, then after 5 seconds of awkward silence he jumped
up and explained "MAY 16th!" I checked the calender--it was a friday--
and asked him if the 17th worked. He said "No, it HAS to be on the
16th.

Looks like we are having a baptism on the 16th :D

FUNNY STUFF!

1) On exchanges, I was walking up the stairs in a sketchy apartment..
this guy stops in front of me. I try to pass him, but he just STANDS
there..
He leans in and says quietly: "What you name, boy"
Me: "Elder Valentine! Pleasure to meet you."
him: What your name?
Me: I am Elder Valentine!
Him: .... You are... what you name?
THe investigator upstairs from Nigeria; He call valentine! His name Valentine!
He leans in a little closer... : "You're cute."
O.O Holy shishkabob.
Him: You should come to my house sometime, boy.
Me: Yes, that sounds great! (at this point his face is about 5 inches
away from mine-- I put my left hand on his left shoulder so my arm is
across his chest keeping him a little away) (by the way, I knew I
would never see this creeper again because I was on exchanges
haha....)
Him: You gonna give me some Jesus? (Now I smell a ton of alcohol in his breath)
Me: Yes I will! Alright you take care now! (at this point I had slowly
wedged myself between him and the wall and had finally gotten
through...)

2) AT LIUJIANGS HOUSE WITH THE MEN
THEM: Hey, what type of meat do you like? We want to cook for you
sometime in exchange for english lessons
Elder Beck: Hmm, chicken meat, pig meat, cow meat
(That ishow you say it using chinese-- you say the animal and then
"rou" right after indicating its meat)
Me: Hmmm Cow meat, pig meat, aaaand (tried to get fancy with language
I just learned) turtle meat! (Yu gui rou)
The men then look at me with slanted eyebrows.
Me: Turtle meat! Come on you know what that is.
Elder beck just looks away and busts up laughing.
I then realized I made a TERRIBLE mistake....

Yu gui means turtle
Heigui, which is what I really said, means the "N" word.

Turns out I repeatedly told them that I really enjoyed eating "N" meat.

Have a great week everyone, now please excuse me while I go drown
myself in a toilet.

Love you! <3

FANG ZHANG LAO